i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
