I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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