Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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