I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
