Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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