woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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