So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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