I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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