yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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