tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
