if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
