I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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