I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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