awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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