i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
