My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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