but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
