I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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