Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
