I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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