Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
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Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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