Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
