At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
