Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
