I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
