Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
