i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
