I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
