Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
