time to smoke my breakfast
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
