I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
