There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
