and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
