I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
