we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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