Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
