I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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