"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
