great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
