Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My first STD was from a foam party
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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