He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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