I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
