oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
