Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All the doctor said was why
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
