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I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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