oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
