I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
