We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
