I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
