I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How does one acquire holy water?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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