girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
