this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
