woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
