Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
