i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
