So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
