he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i need some magic done to my vagina
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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