We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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