What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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