We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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