Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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