made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
