My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
