We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
