My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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