He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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