I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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