Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
