I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
