Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Drunk is not a location!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
