Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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