my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think im going to throw up on grandma
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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