peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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