So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i think i just lost a toe
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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