I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
