I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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