watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
