im drinking this country out of the recession.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just invented taco cereal.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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