Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
