I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
