He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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