Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
