That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
