True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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