After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
