So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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