apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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