Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
