He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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