I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
